Beating Bad Behavior: How to Break Emotional Eating Barriers and Achieve Exercise Adherence™
By: SGT Ken® and Stephanie Weichert
Published in the canfitpro Magazine.
“Ken, I am extremely satisfied with my transformation, but I still want to lose 15 more pounds,” said Susan, my remarkable personal training client who had a wonderful weight loss success story. Over the year and a half we had been working together, she had become like a sister to me. She’d listened to all of my training advice and had lost 90 pounds in a year and a half. However, it was at that 18-month fitness assessment when she confided she had hit a plateau but deeply desired to lose the last nagging 15 pounds.
“Susan, you don’t need to lose any more body fat. Your efforts have been extraordinary! Look at yourself. You’ve done an amazing job!” I said.
“I just feel that I want to lose 15 more pounds. Can we do this?” she said.
“Okay. Let’s give it a shot,” I responded.
I needed to unearth the real reason for her worrisome weight stagnation. I asked her to write out a four-day diet log, noting everything she was eating and drinking with the corresponding times of day. We planned to review it before having lunch together. When I read it, I got the nagging feeling she wasn’t being completely honest about what was in that diet log.
A couple of her co-workers who were also my close friends, confirmed my suspicion and spilled the beans about her secret sweet snacking habit. Because of my intel, I didn’t just mark my calendar for mid-day salads at a nearby lunch spot – I planned a full force sting operation.
It rolled out like an old television episode of Candid Camera where people were unknowingly filmed as they reacted to lighthearted pranks. Unbeknownst to Susan, everyone was in on my operation. Our lunch plans were preceded by an important intervention.
“Let’s get out the diet logs—my copy and your copy. But first, I need to apologize. I feel like I’ve done you an injustice,” I said, being characteristically dramatic.
I continued, “You feel that you need to lose more body fat, which means that I missed something and I am sorry for that.”
“No, no, no…you’ve done fine!” she insisted.
“I think you are perfect just the way you are.” I continued, “Let’s look at it together.”
I waited…an…abnormally…long…time, as I gazed intensely at her. My silent stare produced enough uneasiness to provoke an outburst of new information to add to the diet log.
“Well it was just five M&M’s!” she said.
The staring strategy only took three small seconds, and revealed exactly what I was looking for.
“Oh, I don’t see that in your diet log,” I remarked.
“Well I didn’t think it was that important because it was just five M&M’s,” she said.
“You’re right. Five M&M’s are not a big deal at all. What can you tell me about the M&M’s?” I continued.
“I have a job that is sometimes a little monotonous. You know how they have containers of candies and sweets in the common area? Well, I just need something to get me by during the boring moments of my job, so I go to the jar, and pull out five green M&M’s.”
“What do you do with them?” I asked coyly.
“I line them up to the right of my keyboard. When I get bored, I look at the M&M’s, put one in my mouth—I get a little kick, and I go about my work.”
“When do you do this?” I asked, building rapport.
“Well, it’s during my break,” she admitted, still believing we were just talking about the five M&M’s and not the bigger story of how many M&M’s she ate throughout her 8-hour workday.
“When are your breaks?” I asked, assuming there was more than one. Truly, I already knew the answer but she needed to discover it on her own.
She thought about it for a moment. “Oh, at 9am, 10am, 11am…”
As she continued speaking, I placed a party bowl on her desk and began pouring massive bag of M&M’s in a steady slim stream into the big bowl. She appeared to be in shock as I continued.
By now, her office friends were in full attendance. They showed their unwavering support by assuring her that she has done an amazing job over the past year and a half, yet that did not impede my actions whatsoever.
“But it’s just 5 M&M’s!” I said as we watched the waterfall of candy-covered chocolate.
Once completely crammed with candy and spilling over a bit, I dramatically dropped the bare bag of M&M’s on the floor at her feet and looked at her.
In her moment of vulnerability, she said, “I guess now would be a good time to tell you about the late night ice cream and white wine?” She looked like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
I never did have to tell her to quit eating M&M’s and ice cream. It wasn’t really the skit that caused her to find out what was keeping her stuck. I truly cared about her. I valued her. Through a quick and lightly comical intervention, I helped her acknowledge that her small choices were the source of her 15-pound problem. Our ensuing coaching led to her making better, healthier decisions.
While I don’t suggest a sting operation for anyone else, I knew that it would work for Susan because our relationship was built on wholeheartedness and humor. She needed to discover the cause of her calamity, not me tell her.
That is the difference between a trainer and a coach. A trainer will tell you what to do, and it may not always work. A coach cares for their client, helping them to discover the right solution for them.
In the live Beating Bad Behavior workshop at canfitpro2019, I discussed the Six Superior Strategies to Achieve Exercise Adherence™. The steps included:
- Building rich rapport: To help someone, it’s best to come along side to support rather than telling someone what they are doing wrong.
- Recognizing the reason: Coaching means asking, not telling (even if you know the answer before you ask the question. What is the underlying reason for the bothersome behavior? Give your client room to reveal their bad habit so they can come to their own solution. This gives them the value of change.
- Shifting out of shame: A deeper feeling may be the underlying motivator. Dr. Brené Brown defines shame: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.” Help your client realize the physical symptoms of shame (i.e. feeling small, armpits sweating, etc). Shame resilience begins by recognizing the symptoms and realizing when you’re stuck in shame. Encourage them to use the word “shame” (That made me feel shame.) Finally, remind them to stay connected. Remind them to call someone who has earned the right to hear their story. [Adapted from Daring Way® coach training by Dr. Brené Brown.]
- Working your worthiness: Encourage your client to come back a place of knowing they are enough, in this present moment.
- Taking simple slow steps forward: Old habits can take time to go. Your client will need to replace the old habit with a new action.
- Giving yourself gratitude: Finally help your client recognize when they’ve done well. Ask them to use positive self-affirmations.
…Repeat, if necessary…
Change takes time. When your client understands that change will require resolve, it can help take the pressure off. Change requires simple steps and consistency. More than anything else, as coaches, we should offer compassion to our clients, helping them dig in to diligence over pining for perfection.
Authors Note: The selected story is about cultivating a climate of connection i.e. establishing a strong client/trainer relationship and does not demonstrate how to incorporate strategic intervention into your coaching practice. Susan was like a sister to me. Previously established client relationships and open office dialogue helped to make this intervention humorous and heartfelt for my client. Additionally, encouraging the involvement of friends and colleagues is also highly unusual. We do not suggest, in fact discourage using intervention techniques.
Photo Credit: Clem Onojeghuo